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  • acleveland 10:16 pm on April 17, 2012 Permalink | Reply  

    this is what happens when i’m tired 

    The sound of goodbyes is like sandpaper. It’s course and gritty and it makes me clench my teeth and shut my eyes tight. Some things will never leave, they bring a constant stream of hellos. They are the miniscule details of life that deserve to be blown into full focus. The rainbow splitting and scattering in the soap bubbles floating from the sink and the feeling of blankets swallowing your legs and when a little kid reaches for your hand and music that stirs something you thought was dead and gone. It’s like all these little gifts are being thrown at us all day and we’re too busy to notice. These gifts are practically pelting us in the midst of our ingratitude and discontent. These gifts are begging to quench our thirst for a sign that this all matters. They are the small stitches that work together to form one miraculous whole. The foundations of our lives are built upon the seemingly trivial details. Build a strong foundation by embracing the stitches or watch everything crumble when you don’t let them strengthen you.
    I get so stuck on the rips and the tears and the inconveniences that I discount the small things, and that’s nothing less than being myopic. We permit ourselves to be discontent instead of dealing with the snags and wholeheartedly applauding the seams. I learned in Biology that the average person has anywhere from 50 to 100 genetic mutations. The mutations are snags in the original design, but it doesn’t detract from us as people. I am still Amanda, 75 mutations and all. Despite the mutations, I am grateful for health. Why can’t we do the same thing in daily life?
    We don’t think about atoms much. At least, I don’t.  But without the intricacies of the electrons and the orbitals and the protons, there would be no “bigger picture”. Without the smallest things, there would be nothing significant.
    Everything in this world can be turned into an analogy for something so much bigger than ourselves. The growth of trees, the roots, the water that falls from the sky.

    I’ve had days of gold and I’ve had days of grey but without them both I’d just be a blank page.
    Blank pages bring rage and uncertainty and a lack of experience, an unwillingness to begin. to conquer. to try. To perservere until the unstained white page has both its tears and its repairs, its luster and its shade. The shiny and the dull go hand in hand, and one is nothing without the other. How would we be able to appreciate the shiny if we didn’t have the contrast of dull?

    New favorite song: Daughter – Landfill

  • acleveland 10:42 pm on April 15, 2012 Permalink | Reply  

    i just felt like writing. 

    I read The Sun Also Rises by Hemingway for a research paper. Hemingway was in World War I, an excessive drinker, and, well, a womanizer. How scandalous.
    After the war, he couldn’t help noticing his generation’s loss of direction. This time is now known as the “lost generation”, and it was the primary focus of the book. At first, I didn’t understand the book’s significance. All I saw was a group of people that partied, got drunk, went to bull fights, and fought over girls. The narrator made brief references to the war, but more often than not it was ignored.
    Eventually, I realized the book wasn’t some simple story about war, parties, and the joys of being inebriated. It was about pretending. All these people were branded and scarred by the war. It was this atrocity that tore apart their ideas of humanity’s capabilities. It shredded their hope and made them question their security. It shattered their perfectly crystallized identities. After something so traumatizing happens, you don’t just forget about it. It gets threaded into your DNA, it’s hardwired into your brain until neutral images spark painful emotions. Everything is rimmed with a stain of black, bleeding, melting, eroding at the edges. Yet onward they go, focusing on the trivial and the mundane, drowning their ghosts in a glass. Empty, broken, ringing laughter that everyone accepts as full and healthy.
    A book that was published in the 1920’s can be as pertinent as a book written today. Maybe even more so, if you’re including books about love triangles between an annoying girl, a sparkly vampire, and a freaky werewolf. Spoiler alert: Freaky Werewolf falls in love with Annoying Girl’s newborn. Can you say pedophile in the works?
    Anyway. We live in such a distracted society. How often are we ever fully engaged in anything? Conversations are interrupted by catchy ring tones and text message alerts. The majority opts to sleep in class instead of stretch their attention span to above the length of a Call of Duty session. It’s a symptom of a greater disease that none of us can escape, but that we can decide how to handle. The theme of The Sun Also Rises is both universal and timeless. No one escapes the grips of pain; everyone faces the temptation to evade pain’s influence. It’s a fact that will never change. People use drugs and alcohol and all these things as alternatives to their inner demons. It’s this outward manifestation of an internal issue.
    But it’s not just through substances that people disregard reality. There’s a war going on. People are starving while our pantries are stuffed. Innocent people are wasting away in jail because others are too self-absorbed to make it right. People are killing their fellow man due to issues of race and prejudice and hate. However, it’s more convenient and more comfortable to focus on celebrity gossip or a royal wedding. Theyprovoke more interest, attention, and conversation than painful topics such as the war or the plummeting economy. Although the war and the economy are more pertinent to common people’s daily lives, comfort outweighs relevance. It is easy to discount certain people in the public as apathetic, but really, their avoidance could signify pain.

    New favorite song: Carbon Ribs – John Mark McMillan

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