Updates from September, 2010 Toggle Comment Threads | Keyboard Shortcuts

  • acleveland 9:30 pm on September 8, 2010 Permalink | Reply  

    what did i expect? 

    I’m all over the place tonight. Deal with me here, it’s been a long day.
    Okay. I want to do something different than everyone around me. I was lying in bed last night thinking about how I want to prove myself wrong. Over the past year, I have felt like nothing is permanent. Everything is temporary – and not always in a comforting way. For example, relationships.
    I want to be able to connect with someone that’s not going to leave.
    It makes my heart feel like it’s being wringed and gripped like a baseball when I think about people who are no longer in my life. It’s funny how relationships work. We get to be acquaintances with so many people, but how many deep connections do we have with people?
    And when you get those deep connections, how long do they last? How long do they remain before they’re erased by busy schedules, stress, or just a failure to say hello?
    It’s easy to become close to nobody. That way, it’s less painful when they leave. But that’s no way to live life. It’s cynical and shallow. But it has made sense in my head because of certain situations throughout my life. But when I think about the best friends in my life, I wouldn’t trade that for anything. And that’s worth the risk of pain.
    Things like this make me want to be different to at least one person. I want to be available for people so consistently that it’s ridiculous. It’s easy to believe the cynical thought that most people are too wrapped up in their own lives to see anyone else. I’m willing to bet most high schoolers don’t see anything outside of their own personal bubble.
    If this is false, I want to be an example of why it’s NOT true.
    I want to actually do SOMETHING to advance what I have left.
    Staying in the same place is the same as giving up.

    New favorite song: Burn Back The Sun – Decyfer Down

  • acleveland 7:46 pm on September 7, 2010 Permalink | Reply  

    blink of an eye 

    I’m reading a book called “The Year We Disappeared”. It’s a memoir about a family whose lives changed overnight. The dad, John Busby, is a police officer and was shot in the head as an attempted murder through a car window. It left him without a jaw or the ability to eat or speak. Suddenly, this normal five person family is under 24 hour surveillance, plus a guard dog, alarms, and gates. The kids are even escorted to and from school by policemen. The daughter’s friends won’t talk to her anymore out of fear. The two sons get in fights at school, not knowing how to handle everything. Because of the threats and attempted murder to their family, they ended up losing contact with everyone they knew.
    The man that shot John Busby turned John’s life into nothing but anger,  overwhelming pain, and planning revenge. This man made John have to write notes to his family instead of using his voice, he stole John’s beloved career, he took the whole family’s sense of normalcy. In a way, he DID take John’s life, without actually killing him.
    Yet, after all this, his strength amazed me when I read the interview in the back. The question asked: “What do you hope people will take away from their reading of The Year We Disappeared”?
    John answered, “I’d like people to realize, like I did, that hate and revenge are a self-defeating disease we inflict upon ourselves. I have been in that dark place and my family saved me from it. I healed when I left that behind; it wasn’t fast, it wasn’t easy, but due to my love for my family and my self healing, it was necessary – I did it.”

    After awhile, he didn’t heal for himself. He healed for those he loved.
    How many “self-defeating diseases” do we inflict upon ourselves?

    New favorite ALBUM: Dark Is The Way, Light Is A Place – Anberlin

  • acleveland 8:47 pm on September 6, 2010 Permalink | Reply  

    I’m back.. 

    “Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day’s out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived. Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.”  -Galatians 6:1-5 As I read this scripture, I began reflecting on my own life. There have been countless times when I’ve looked at other people’s actions and thought, “I would NEVER do that – what are they thinking?” Mercilessly and with a closed mind, I forgot about our grace dependent hearts.
    It’s easy to look at other’s mistakes with scorn and disapproval. But, now I find myself in a different place. Experience brings a new perspective and a level of understanding that I didn’t have before.
    When you look in the mirror and see a dirty, messy, and unrecognizable face staring back at you,that’s when you understand grace. In that moment, you realize Christ is still embracing who you never thought you would be. When you understand grace, that’s when you can heal and rediscover who Christ has called you to be.
    It’s not simple and quick to grasp the concept of grace. The leader of a retreat called Chrysalis said, “Even though for the past two days we have been teaching and teaching about God’s unconditional love, grace, and mercy, some of them still don’t get it. It hasn’t clicked, and some of the girls don’t think it’s meant for them. But hopefully after tonight they’ll get it.”
    It’s funny how grace works, ya know? You think you’ve got it all figured out. You can write an eloquent definition, plan out 5 steps to repentance, and try to follow the rules.
    Without the dents and cracks, that’s all easy and nice and clean. But, it’s also not complete. The pure understanding of grace comes when you don’t think you deserve it – and you get it anyway.

    New favorite song: Stop It – The Almost

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