make me new

FFUMC youth group returned from Youth JAM 2010 yesterday.
It’s time to make a change.
Focus on your giants, you stumble. Focus on God, your giants tumble.
I’ve been so distracted and distraught by the sin in my life. I get hooked and caught on my own mistakes, when I should be revelling in the grace and mercy that I receive everyday. I get soaked in sin and am washed clean in the same breath. Forgiveness is waiting right where I fall, but I’ve been embracing the slips instead. I have been convinced that one night wouldn’t change anything. In my mind, even the smallest amount of progress would take months. God proved me wrong on Saturday night.
It’s just the beginning, but that’s one step closer. With His help, I was able to grasp the rope that He’s been throwing me. I came home and was greeted by everything I left for 48 hours. Traces and evidence of what I left behind was waiting for me when I opened the door. At first, I was hit by discouragement. I remembered all the school work, exhaustion, and stress. I remembered the regret, defiance, and unwillingness. But then, I stopped.
What happened on Saturday night was real. Nothing can undo it; it’s a sealed promise, written in Heaven’s walls. I’m finally desiring to find myself in Christ again. To find my faith again. To find ME again.
I’m finally willing to break out of this shell and face the giants.
I’m finally wanting to follow Christ’s will for my life instead of my own selfish temptations.
I’m finally trying to do my best instead of giving a lethargic, leftover effort.

For the past couple of weeks, the concept of being made new has shown up everywhere. Several times everyday, I’ve been reading/hearing about Christ making people new. I hope to see myself become a new person in Christ, with a new story to tell and a new experience to shape me. Struggle has potential to leave strains of compassion and sensitivity. Through all the mess, I’m trusting that God will instill something beautiful in the place of these ashes. 
The hard part is trying. I was getting off easy before.. doing my own thing, not caring, and brushing it aside.
I said it’s time to make a change. I meant it. I know it won’t be easy, but I’ll believe that it’s worth it. It’s time for the difficult part..following through.

New favorite song: Bulletproof – La Roux