answerless

For the past few weeks, I have been angry at and confused by God. I have been watching my dearest friends – my second family – endure pain, loss, and heartache. My most sincere wish was for the ability to snap everything back to normal. Knowing I don’t have that power, I begged and pleaded with God to heal and restore. Daily, people all over the country were asking Jesus to work a miracle.
On Sunday night, my parents and I were sitting in the living room as I vocalized my questions and frustrations.
Why hadn’t God been listening, even as I begged?
Doesn’t He care?
What should we have said to convince Him?
How is a perfect God so blatantly unfair?
I got replies assuring me that God does care, He has been listening, and that we just don’t know the answers. This didn’t satisfy me, and I continued fuming over what I saw as a cruel side of God. It doesn’t work to be angry at God. No matter how hard I try to resist, I am continually drawn in by His relentless grace, and I owe Him my trust.
The thing is, I still don’t understand. I don’t have the answers, and I won’t even begin to guess His plans. But…we are not supposed to understand.  There are other sides of the story that we can’t see. We are only equipped to see the world view, and God sees through eternal and omniscient eyes. I am not overlooking a key point, and I’m not cluelessly missing an obvious answer. The crucial point is accepting the unknown and embracing it for what it is. That is where TRUST is developed, and trust derives from Truth.
I can’t answer any questions, and I don’t have any proof. Learning to accept that is a process – along with everything else… healing,  giving up certain things, seeking advice or help instead of playing the “It’s all good” card…everything is a process.
Step one: Find out how to get to step 2.

New favorite song: Hear You Me – Jimmy Eat World

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