spinning.

I tried to think of some revelation to share, and I’ve got nothing. So here goes that nothing. It’s late.. I can’t sleep, so this is just MINDLESS WRITING.

I wonder if prisoners are ever afraid to be released from jail. Maybe after all that time of being confined and separated, interacting with other people feels unnatural. Suddenly it’s not so easy to walk in a crowd, and it might take a little longer to respond to a simple question. It’d be hard to look anyone in the eye, because there’d be no bars blocking the way. People could see right through, absent of distractions and metal rimmed secrets.
Maybe they’re afraid that after months spent daydreaming of the outside world, fantasies snatched control and painted unrealistic expectations.  Days that slipped into nights were wasted yearning for a taste of fairy tale freedom. They might fear that once they stepped outside of the cell, it would be a let down compared to what was imagined back in captivity.

Once you were sent home, would you have to relocate your identity? In jail, does it feel like the word “prisoner” defines your existence? No longer is it just a fraction of your life, it consumes your life. It’s surrounds, traps, and steals your connection with family, friends, pets, and hobbies. Once “prisoner” didn’t apply anymore, how would they define themselves? They could believe that once that label is gone, there’s nothing else to describe who they have become.
Maybe nightmares are only terrifying because we don’t have them every night. After awhile, you would get used to scary dreams. It would become all you knew, all you remembered. It would be normal.
Is prison the same way? They could say, “Prison used to be a nightmare. Then, it took over my life. Now, it’s normal, and I don’t know anything else.”  Then, nightmares would be more comfortable than dreams, because dreams would offer a tempting, hard to reach sprinkle of  potential to be better. What’s your prison?
Is this clear as mud or what? Read into it, I dare you.

New favorite song: Satellite – Dave Matthews Band

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