Updates from December, 2009 Toggle Comment Threads | Keyboard Shortcuts

  • acleveland 5:01 pm on December 31, 2009 Permalink | Reply  

    2010…what?! 

    It’s hard to believe that in 7 hours it will be the beginning of a new year AND a new decade. This past year, I’ve probably grown and experienced more than ever before. There were highs and lows, really tough situations, and new friendships. I feel like I’ve gotten a lot stronger this year. I can handle more now than I could even just at the end of 2008. The year in review is kind of hard, because I’ll admit, it was a tough year – but it had some definite upsides.

    In January, I attended Resurrection ’09 as a kind of troubled freshman looking for an escape from life back home. However, that weekend jumpstarted my new walk as a faithful follower of God. On January 27, I devoted my life to Christ. Hard to believe that was just this year! In February, I faced my biggest fear and spoke in front of my church congregation about how the youth group has helped my walk with Jesus. February was a very difficult month as I let go of a close friend – the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and a decision I still question. Also at the beginning of 2009 I became best friends with some kids in my youth group and discovered a passion for writing. I had enjoyed writing ever since I was a little girl, but this was when I really fell in love with it.  In the end of March, freshman year was in it’s last months, and I had started my ELEVENTH season of CBFO softball. I was on the Cubs, and although we didn’t have a very successful year, it was as fun as ever. In May, I ended my freshman year, putting Geometry, Biology, and Spanish I behind me. June brought an amazing mission trip to Project Crossroads in Marion, Virginia. I was with my best friends and we were all working to proclaim the kingdom. I rode some crazy rollercoasters on that trip, and I feel bad for those who had to sit next to me – I probably hurt their ears from my screaming, and their arms/legs from my wild punches. The day after we got back from missions trip, my family took a trip to Williamsburg, VA. It was really cool and actually got me interested in the historical part of vacations – I want to go back. July – band camp and friends. Enough said.  August was the beginning of this insane sophomore year, full of new challenges. In September, I turned 16, got my license, and went on the Fall Youth JAM retreat. Much needed, much fun. October, November, and December have been the months where I’ve been clinging to what I need the most. This year has made me more grateful than ever for my friends and family, and most importantly, my Savior. He has been with me this year of public speaking, rollercoasters, tears, school, and smiles. This year has molded a big part of who I am, who I will be for the rest of my life, and my values. Thank you, Lord, for the good and the bad of 2009, and bring on 2010!

    New favorite song: Audience of One – Cold War Kids

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    • Doug 12:05 am on January 2, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      🙂 I see coffee in 2010.

  • acleveland 4:26 pm on December 30, 2009 Permalink | Reply  

    dwight k schrute 

    Great few days with family in the books. We went downtown yesterday, and we’re going to a basketball game tonight. I’m enjoying the time to just relax with my family and have a good time. It seems like I never see my dad when school is in. He leaves the house before I wake up and doesn’t get home until around 7:00 or 7:30.  Too often, he gets home when I’m shut in my room doing homework, and the only time I get to see him is when I say goodnight. I’m grateful for this time with my family this break.

    “Oh, no, you never let go, through the calm and through the storm, oh, no, you never let go, through every high and every low, oh no, you never let go, Lord, you never let go of me.” – You Never Let Go – Matt Redman.
    There’s a couple of paragraphs in a book that I just finished that reminded me of this song. It wasn’t a spiritual book, but it clicked with me as what Christ does.

    “Marcus tried to take her back into his arms, but it was the last thing she wanted, and she tried to push him away. When he didn’t let go, she pounded his chest.
        “Let me go! I can handle this alone!” 
    But still he held her, and when she realized he wasn’t going to let go, she finally collapsed. And for a long time, she let him hold her as she cried.”

    This is about a girl and her dad after something tragic had happened to her. He was there to comfort her, and even when she put her guard up and said “I don’t need you,” he didn’t let go. I’ve done the same thing so many times…I’ve told God to get away and let handle the situation. Now, though, I’m so grateful that He didn’t listen to me. He knew that I don’t always know what’s best for myself, so He stayed with me through the highs and the lows, even if I pushed Him away. And eventually, maybe later than is ideal, I end up collapsing into Him. He’ll comfort any pain if we just let go and let Him in.

    New favorite song: Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Others Will Escape – Underoath

     
  • acleveland 8:56 pm on December 28, 2009 Permalink | Reply  

    always. 

    Being angry with myself is worse than being angry with someone else. At least when I’m mad at another person, that lays most of the blame off me. At least then I don’t have to constantly mull over my own mistakes. “I’m sorry” is not enough for what I feel.  He has heard those two words from me so many times that they are almost rendered useless. I seem to have messed up a lot of words, making them just letters instead of packed with meaning. I’m sorry, forever, always, never again. Never again will I do this, never again will I do that. Yeah, whatEVER, Amanda. Never again to you is like… a week. Tops. There goes the potential significance of that word-out the window.

     I’m wondering if this guilt derives from love. If I did not love Him so deeply, maybe I wouldn’t feel this guilt. If I didn’t love him, I wouldn’t care if I wronged Him. Does guilt only come into play when love is in the equation? I’d rather be yelled at by someone else than have my own mind turn against me. When your own mind is the enemy, comfort is that much harder to find.
    I hate the fact that I’m never going to be as good as He deserves. I hate the fact that I’m always going to let Him down. I wish so badly that I could be perfect for Him. I am weakened by the sins I have committed. I am only able to offer what is left after the rest of me is wasted on shame. Life should not be a series of let-downs, times when I fall short, but it feels like it sometimes.

    I’ve expressed this to some people today, this feeling of disappointment in myself and my ugly tendencies. The reassurance that they unknowingly offered lifted a weight. I have to remember that He loves us all in a crazy way and that He’s already paid for my own crimes. As unfair as that was to Him, he did it for me. I can say I’m sorry 100000 times, and when I mean it, I’m forgiven. They don’t just become words to Him if I mean what I say.  He knows all that I do and have done and continues to love me anyway, no matter what, no matter how many times I let him down. Always. And when He says always, He means it, and it’s not empty, but packed to the brim with promise.

    A lyric from an amazing song just came to my mind that gives what I’ve been looking for. It’s from the song “Your Love Is Extravagant,” and it says “Spread wide in the arms of Christ, there’s a love that covers sin.” His love covers my sin. It covers it all, even though it is so immense. His love is bigger than my sin.

    New favorite song: Confession – RED

     
    • Doug 9:07 pm on December 28, 2009 Permalink | Reply

      Don’t worry. His love IS extravagant. And acknowledging you’re wronging Him is half of solving it. So you’re almost there. You just need to think. Hey, not again. And when you’re faced with a situation you KNOW is going to hurt later, you think. Hey, not again. Jam to some music, go for a run, get some coffee. Don’t back down and don’t give up cause like you say, guilt proves love is still in the relationship.

    • Christine 10:09 pm on December 29, 2009 Permalink | Reply

      Uhh… Amanda, in the great words of Doug, I agree with him 11000000000… x infitiny% I couldn’t have said it better. I love you!!! With gilt there is love. Remember that. Your amazing ❤
      -Christine

  • acleveland 6:29 pm on December 27, 2009 Permalink | Reply  

    whatwhat. 

    I’m strumming the day away. Running the day away. Sleeping the day away. Writing the night away. I really should go to sleep earlier. My hands are ink-stained. Writing and music make sense. String a whole bunch of letters together, and they make words. That’s not going to change. Press the string on a certain fret, strum, and a note is made. Bang on a piano key and sound streams out. It’s a comfort. Maybe that’s sad, or weird, but whatever.

    I read this book awhile back that said that the heart is genuinely good. I feel like I have to fight against mine all the time. My well of answers is starting to run dry. Not that it was ever all that saturated to begin with, but I’m currently scraping the bottom. Ever feel like you just FAIL? I’ve been discouraged with myself lately. My flaws have been made overly apparent to me, through my actions, thoughts, etc. Last night (well, early early early this morning), I just got mad at myself and made a list of everything that I am, as a sinner, as a human. Hypocrite, judgmental,etc. I then tried to figure out what God’s response to all of this would be. Does he say “You’re not all of those things, don’t worry, I love you.” OR, does he say “Yes, you are all of  those things. Work on it.”  Or is it a combination of the two? Or is it something entirely different? If he told me I’m not all of those bad things, I don’t feel like that would be the truth, and…HE IS TRUTH. And it’s cold, and it’s hard, but it’s true. Wouldn’t the truth be that I AM all of those things, even though it hurts to hear? It’s not as comfortable as “Don’t say that, I love you,” but I know He loves me no matter whether He agrees with me as I list my terrible side or not. I don’t know. I don’t know if this makes sense or is even relevent written down.
    I don’t really understand God’s plan. I’m confused myself, but I know how to help those more confused than me – offer them whatever clarity I have. I can offer them the simple facts that will change their life. I can be ready to ask tough questions – and maybe get some tough answers.  I don’t want to screw anything up. I’ve already let people slip through my fingers, and now that they’re back in my grasp, I want to do everything I can to set them back on track. It’s proving to be harder than I thought, but I guess if I let go and let God everything will work out. I just don’t know how, and I don’t know what to do next.

    New favorite song: Son’s Gonna Rise – Citizen Cope

     
    • Christine 7:03 pm on December 27, 2009 Permalink | Reply

      Ok. I just first have to say im sorry. Because im one of those people that rely on you every single day for words and guidance. I truelly am sorry. This made me cry and man, I just feel awful.

      Now, to what I think about all this. I think you said a lot of things here, some true, and some nobody knows the answers to. Yes, you may be all those things you listed yourself as, catagorized yourself as… but there are many things you are that you don’t have listed in here. The positive things. Everyone has bad traits Manders. Some things, yea, you should work on. But, everyone has that. Your so many great things you didn’t even put into consideration… at least by what I can see from this writing. I don’t know what God says or thinks about it all, for im not God. But, I know one thing thanks to you. He will love you not matter you do, no matter what you’ve done. You need words of wisdom, go to him! He will show you what you need if you ask him. He loves you, Manders, as do I!

      I hope this helps you, somehow. If not, im sorry. ❤ Love you girl
      -Christine

      • acleveland 7:11 pm on December 27, 2009 Permalink | Reply

        Christine – don’t be sorry at all to rely on me for guidance – I’m here to help you out whenever you need it, girl. I’ll never leave ya, and I’m glad to give whatever help you need. 🙂

    • Kelli 6:18 pm on January 4, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Amanda Cleveland. I don’t know Christine, but you better get this child to church got it? I want to meet her! Got it?

  • acleveland 7:53 pm on December 25, 2009 Permalink | Reply  

    cero dias :) 

    The countdown has reached the finish line, the 24 hour grand finale began last night when the clock struck 12. I was fast asleep, because for some reason I fell asleep at 10:00 and woke up at 8:30 this morning, much to my brother’s dismay…He was staring at the ceiling until 3 am, and then awoke before me. I must have been completely sleep deprived, because that NEVER happens on the night before Christmas!
    It’s been a blessed day with family. There were 18 people at my house today, and let me tell you- it was cramped for space. Also, as it is expected to be with 18 people, 6 of which are kids, it was loud with the sound of laughter and conversation. My dog, Holly, was hovering in the crowded kitchen, constantly underfoot. She might have gotten stepped on a few times, but her Christmas present of a new stuffed alligator appeased her. She was disappointed that her favorite space on the couch was always occupied, though. However, amidst all the chaos, annoying dogs, and loud little kids, memories were made, traditions were carried out, and laughter was shared. I couldn’t have asked for a better December 25, and I pray that whoever reads this had an amazing day with Jesus as the center of it.

    New favorite song: Savior, Please – Josh Wilson

     
    • Kelli 10:08 pm on December 25, 2009 Permalink | Reply

      Wonderful song by the way. I’m glad Christmas was good for you. Tell Holly to be careful or she might pull the legs off her alligator. then it will be a lizard… But the best part about Christmas is the family. Everyone gets together and just has a ball. Remembering it’s Jesus’ birthday puts even the sourest in a great mood. Tomorrow though, beware. Haha. Seriously though we should all be thankful that our families are all Christians. How terrible would it be to celebrate Christmas as a Santa-only day?

    • Carly 10:24 pm on December 25, 2009 Permalink | Reply

      Hahah did your mom say “MOVE, YOU STUPID ANIMAL!” again? And yes, I completely agree with this Christmas. I love the song, by the way. Good ol’ Joshy 🙂
      Love you, love you, LOVE YOU!

    • liza 2:12 am on December 26, 2009 Permalink | Reply

      JOSH WILSON!!! Amazing!
      he autographed my shirt! Haha it sounds like will got just about as much sleep as I did. It sounds like your Christmas was wonderful which makes me quite the happy little camper! Like the great and wonderful carly once said, gotta love that jesus:)

    • Kelli 6:15 pm on January 4, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      yeah but liza you never sleep!

  • acleveland 12:55 pm on December 24, 2009 Permalink | Reply  

    uno. dias….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

    It’s ALMOST the day we’ve all been waiting for… anticipation is reaching dangerous amounts… CHRISTMAS EVE!!!! I’m looking forward to rushing downstairs with Will, family pouring in our house, a great meal, and overall just celebrating the birth of my best friend, Jesus Christ. I am so ridiculously, overbearingly glad He was born. I’ve been reading Luke 2 for the past week, and other books (some with pictures!) that tell the amazing Christmas story. What a night I bet that was! I wish I could have been one of the wise-men, trusting a star to lead them to their Savior. I wish I could have been one of those animals (as weird as that sounds) near the manger holding the baby boy. I wish I could have been that shining star, looking down on Jerusalem as the world was changed forever.
    But even though I wasn’t there, the Christmas spirit is in my heart because I know that the birth of Jesus so many years ago really happened, and I know that it’s a reason to celebrate – no matter what’s going on. Drop everything – all worries, troubles, circumstances – and rejoice! You know, people get excited for big events, such as… the superbowl. It’s a big deal, and everyone freaks out. However, 2000 years from now, people won’t be celebrating the 2009 superbowl. People won’t be decorating their houses and stringing lights on giant footballs. Sure, the superbowl of 2009 is awesome (if you’re into football, I guess). But, it’s been 2000 years, and that ONE NIGHT is still remembered and celebrated and talked about ALL THE TIME!!! It wasn’t just some awesome thing that happened… and then it was done. It was an awesome thing happened…and then left nothing the same, and it’s legacy.. the story.. will live on forever.

    New favorite song – Feliz Navidad! by – anyone that sings Feliz Navidad.

     
  • acleveland 11:24 pm on December 22, 2009 Permalink | Reply  

    keep on keeping on 

    I hate shame and feeling undeserving. I hate running from God due to fear. I remember times in my life when I propelled myself away from God, because I felt so unworthy after all the mistakes I had made. I kept running, and the gap between God and me continued increasing with each passing day. I was unwilling to face the facts of my sins, my rebellion, my selfishness, and my shortcomings. I was too ashamed to slink back to God, admit, and repent, because I knew I’d feel so guilty and so small. I quit praying, I tried to push Christ out of my head, and I turned my back – all because I made mistakes. Now, I know that Christ had already paid for those mistakes. He paid it all when He went up on that cross. Yet, 2000 years later, I began avoiding Him because I felt guilty about putting Him up there. Instead, I should have been offering thanks for an overwhelming forgiveness. His mercy and grace could have enveloped me if I had allowed it…Yet instead I chose to fling myself down a deep hole of seperation. What sense does that make?
    I still feel guilty about sins I commit everyday. Yet, if I don’t let go of that guilt, then I am not acknowledging that Christ already took care of it. If I don’t let go of the shame, head hanging low, then my head won’t be lifted to see the glory of Christ. Guilt from sin can be okay if it leads us to Christ, honestly wishing to repent and turn over a new leaf. But, if it gets to the point where we are too ashamed to turn to Christ – that’s the problem. Next time I feel I’ve just messed up too big, I’ll remember that I’ll always be welcomed and loved in Christ’s open arms – instead of running away.

    New favorite song: The Last Night – Skillet

     
    • Christine 11:58 pm on December 22, 2009 Permalink | Reply

      First wanted to say, I like the song you have here by Skillet <2

      Ok… So, I just have to say that i've done this. I've ran and ran from God himself because I thought I had done something so terrible I would never be forgiven. Truthfully and regretfully, ive done that multiple times. I don't know why, it doesnt make me feel better once I do turn back to God. The feeling of being ashamed is still there, that never goes away. But, knowing that my Father will always forgives me, Man thats such a great feeling to know. Why we continue to run is still a mystery to me. But I have to say, I do it myself. But,now,along with everything else I have learned from you, I know another thing that I can work on that will strengthen my relationship with our Lord and Saviour. Thanks again, Amanda, for another great writing. Your such an inspiration to me ❤ I love you ❤

    • Liza 12:13 am on December 24, 2009 Permalink | Reply

      UNO DIAS!!! its time to get pumped.

  • acleveland 8:31 pm on December 21, 2009 Permalink | Reply  

    cuatro dias! 

    I’ve been thinking about the hypocrisy and contradictions between our actions and a label as Christian. I think that over the years we have twisted and watered down the life of living for Christ until it is unappealing, and truthfully, pursuing Christ SHOULD be the most exciting and fulfilling journey possible.
    I know so many people that have slid outside the man-made barrier of “hope”, and fallen into “beyond help/hope”. I’m starting to see that nobody is beyond hope. Pushing the stragglers, rebels, broken, and misled people aside is the opposite of what we are supposed to do. God even made dirt beautiful. He whirled it up and breathed into it the breath of life. We all have dirt on our hands. No matter the amount, we’re still marked as sinners. None of us is better than the other; once you’ve had a mark of imperfection, a clean record goes out the window. All people have that in common. Doesn’t that put us on the same level? 
    Many people live life on an unrighteous path, and it’s not up to us flawed humans to judge them and put them in a category titled “I give up”. No, it’s our job to show them the mercy of God even if they appear permanently stained. It’s about reaching down in pits that seem endless and shedding light on truth and love. Christ didn’t back off from someone because they looked like a lost cause; those are the people that he approached wholeheartedly and offered the journey of a lifetime. We shouldn’t turn away from the deeply troubled and slap the name of Christ on it. That’s abusing His name. Following Christ is about not turning away, not giving up on others, and knowing that we are no better than anyone else. Even the least expected people have potential to change the world. By casting these people out that seem “unholy”, we are disacknowledging that God has an amazing plan for them. We are not appreciating that God makes beauty from dirt. We are not trusting that God’s glory has the ability to flip even the most sinful, dark life upside down.
    Darkness has brought out the worst in us – the hopeless, the addicts, the self-absorbed, the insecure, the liars, the thiefs. We’re all fighting battles, sometimes unknown to all. Think of who you come in contact with each day. Every single one of them has a battle raging inside. Show more kindness than necessary to all people. Show as much Christ as you can everywhere you go.
     It’s our job to lead others to Christ – a light in the dark – rather than shoving them farther down into a hole.

    http://www.esquire.com/features/best-and-brightest-2009/shane-claiborne-1209

    New favorite song: There Is So Much More – Brett Dennen

     
    • Doug 9:03 pm on December 21, 2009 Permalink | Reply

      Darkness has brought out the worst in us – the hopeless, the addicts, the self-absorbed, the insecure, the liars, the thiefs. We’re all fighting battles, sometimes unknown to all.

      I. Love. You.

    • Christine 12:08 am on December 22, 2009 Permalink | Reply

      Ok, first, I have to say… I agree with Doug. I. LOVE. YOU.
      Ok, Sooo… I read this and it completely reminded me of myself about a year ago. I tried to push God on a friend, which only pushed him further from the truth of God. I mis-used God and what he is all about. Seriously, this made me cry because I sinned majorly and I can never erase it, which you mentioned. I don’t even know how to explain how this one made me feel.

      It made me feel, happy, sad, angry at myself… just everything. Which is a sign of an amazing writing. I love you girl. So much. I hate that I always seem to say I never know how to explain what im trying to say… I’m not good at putting my feelings into words. Ugh. This writing was so amazing.

  • acleveland 5:17 pm on December 20, 2009 Permalink | Reply  

    cinco diàs 

    I like having so many things to look forward to. It keeps me in check. It keeps me from just sitting at my house wondering why I’m not doing anything. Christmas, New Years, Resurrection.
    Sometimes I love old pictures, and sometimes I hate them. I feel like who we were as kids shows the truest forms of us. Pictures from primary school remind me of a lot of things. I read a lot. I won a whole bunch of awards for being the top reader in the school.  A plaque from 2nd grade is sitting untouched in my closet.
    Intermediate school – I never stopped smiling. I loved softball, played outside all the time, lived in my bathing suit in the summer, started playing piano, and had a group of 4 best friends. I questioned nothing and trusted everyone enough to fall them blindly.
    Middle school – Awkward years. Didn’t know what I believed, didn’t know that I should believe anything, started smiling less, made a lot of mistakes that I regret, fell in love with anything art related, still playing softball, had a big group of people I hung out with. It was a blur.

    And now, high school. There are only a few constants of who I am from the previous years. If my intermediate school self knew who she’d be in highschool, I wonder if she’d be sad. I would write who I am in high school, but maybe it doesn’t really matter. It shouldn’t matter to me if my peers think I’m that quiet Christian girl that used to have friends, but came back from Summer break and didn’t. The other day in Driver’s Ed, this girl I hardly know said, “Didn’t you used to be friends with that group of people? Why don’t I ever see them with you anymore?”  I said I didn’t know. It shouldn’t even matter to me!!! That’s why I’m searching for what God thinks of me instead. That’s what matters…
    Some pictures should just stay in the drawer where they belong. Don’t worry, I already took them off my wall.

    New favorite song: Karma Police – Radiohead

     
    • Kelli 11:10 am on December 21, 2009 Permalink | Reply

      Thankfully it’s not about the amount of friends; it’s the quality of them. And I know that your friends have quality. haha. Seriously though, it is sad when you are reminded of lost friends, but remember that if you hadnt lost them there might not have been a January 27 for you.

    • Christine 12:15 am on December 22, 2009 Permalink | Reply

      All I know to say is…
      The people in your past don’t make it to your future for a reason.
      I love you girl, and I always want to be in your life. I have to agree with your friend, Kelli. The friends you do have, have quality. They help form who you become. I want to be like you in so many ways. You may have lost friends… But there are people in the world better for you than previous friends you have had that never made it to, now.

  • acleveland 11:14 pm on December 18, 2009 Permalink | Reply  

    jigsaw puzzle. 

    I’ve been looking for a place to lay the blame as I watch people I love slide downhill. I feel so inactive. I don’t want to allow people to crash, like stacked bricks, before my very eyes.

    I’m pointing my finger at the mastermind behind the scene of the crime. I’m searching for where to lay the blame for the mess of the human condition. Ironically enough, I’m beginning to discover that the culprit and the victim are the same. It’s us. We, the human race, are the double identity of sobbing victim and fleeing culprit. There are parts of us where we have allowed Satan to slip in unnoticed. For one thing, being so ridiculously self absorbed, thinking that we outshine any sun.

    Selfishness has the desire to rule over our thoughts. I know of girls at school that would do anything to lose 5, 10, 15 pounds, while there are children in Uganda that have no choice but to lose that much weight or more. People get upset because the brand new car they received for their birthday was not the color they wanted, while there are people across the world that have to walk mile after mile just for food or water. I’m determined to break this system. I don’t care where you live, I don’t care who you are, a preconceived notion of “I deserve more than what I have” will get you nowhere but unhappy and wrapped up in YOU. Gratefulness.
    So, the human race has a tendency to be wrapped up in itself. We all know that. Maybe people can be so self absorbed because they’re trying to ease the painful jabs that insecurities inflict. You know, those voices, sometimes from the mouths of peers, that say “You’re not good enough.” People hear that statement everywhere, no matter if it’s a bad grade on a test, a break up, or a disapproving glance.

    I wish, I wish so BADLY, that I could tell people that there’s only way to rewind and unravel this pattern that keeps showing up. Because I was one of those people, never thinking of anything other than my needs, my wants, my plans, my next breath. Then, something smacked me in the heart, and told me, “Amanda, they’re not YOUR needs, NOT YOUR wants, NOT YOUR PLANS, and YOU DON’T DECIDE whether you’ll breathe that next breath.”

    I pray to see a love rekindled that was apparent to any passerby. I don’t understand how it could have disappeared so suddenly. My life was changed last year on January 27, when I sat in my room with my head in my hands. I was grasping for invisible answers when I tried to figure out how I had wasted 15 years of my life on insufficient purpose. Thinking back on that night, I know it wasn’t imaginary. I know it wasn’t something I dreamed up. I know it was real, and obviously life changing, because it was BIGGER THAN ME. I don’t understand how people can turn away from that! I don’t understand how someone can be looking at a changed man in the mirror one second, and resorting back to the inadequate, incompetent, and deficient ways of old life the next. Doesn’t it leave them feeling empty, desiring to come back to what REALLY filled them up? I would blame myself, or him, or her, or it, but all I can really blame is what Satan tries to pour into our messy, human condition, when we turn against our selves. Self destructive.
    I would do anything I could to bring this wanderer back home. I don’t want it to be discouraging that prayer is the only answer. But… I know that there’s a point when all these fragile human hands can do is point upwards and say.. It’s all up to You.

    New favorite song: Sleeping Sickness – City And Colour

     
    • Christine 12:33 pm on December 19, 2009 Permalink | Reply

      Amanda, I love you. I know I tell you that often and I hope you believe me. ❤ I lost Him completely. But, reading this I came to realize it. I thought I still had Him, but I didn't. You never seize to amaze me. Your writings are so powerful to me. This is so true, this writing. We are the cause of our own pain and problems. I've recently found out that we can't fix everything. We try to instead of putting it all into Gods hands. I love you so much girly. Your amazing and God has a plan for you ❤

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